Life, Korea, and Rock 'n' Roll

I still tear up every time I hear X Japan’s March 2008 performance of Art of Life. I was there, and while I forget what I saw, I remember how I felt.

I read some weird stuff today. It’s stuff I kind of already knew, and have been thinking about, and yet . . . it’s even weirder, because it’s about a mass delusion we can’t fix, can’t correct, or else we’ll all die.

Basically, in order to be normal, functioning human beings, we have to exaggerate the good things in the world to ourselves, and exaggerate our own self-worth.

They say that people who are depressed have a more accurate understanding of the world as it exists.

I mean, I know that when I get up every day, in order to function, I have to push away all the doubts and fears that would otherwise plague me, and just keeping walking in the direction of the light. I consciously keep this in mind all the time. And really, what is the value of lingering on those doubts and worries?

But they’re reality. They’re the truth. Well, not the doubts and worries, but the things they’re concerned with. We doubt and worry about these things because they’re real, because they pose a real threat.

But in order to function without depression, in order to keep moving forward, we willingly ignore them.

I don’t know. It’s all self-delusion, and yet it’s necessary for survival. In this regard, does truth matter?

Soldiers aren’t heroes. They may be brave. They may be patriotic. But they aren’t heroes.

They’re doing a job, just like police, just like firefighters, just like lifeguards, just like doctors, just like teachers. All of these jobs purport to be making the world a better place, to be making a difference.

But it’s a job.

I mean, great, a doctor saves lives every day, but he’s getting paid for it. Would he save lives if he weren’t getting paid? Would a soldier go into enemy territory if he weren’t being compensated for it? If so, then he’d be a hero. If not, he’s just a soldier.

A hero is someone who does an extraordinarily good deed for no reward.

I could just be an idiot, but I asked my recently married friend if she wanted to hang out sometime, and now I have a feeling that’s not something a guy is supposed to ask.

I mean, from my perspective, I don’t see the big deal. We’re friends. We have good conversations.

But then maybe that’s just not done among married couples. Maybe the fact I’m a guy makes a difference to her, or to him.

And that sucks, because that would mean when she got married, I lost a friend.

Two big projects on the way.

Well, one isn’t so big, but it should be fun.

The other is huge.

(The following post has nothing to do with Inception, and is the kind of stuff I used to think about before that fucking movie came out, and is the kind of stuff I will continue to think about in spite of it.)

I had a dream last night in which I was with some girl. I don’t know what we were doing, but I remember being into her, being comfortable around her, having fun.

Then I woke up and realized . . . I don’t know that girl in real life. She isn’t from a movie or TV series or something either. She just doesn’t exist.

And yet she felt very familiar. Maybe I’ve dreamed of her before.

At the present moment, I don’t remember her face, or the sound of her voice, or my exact feelings around her, but I think I would recognize her if I saw her in person.

I wonder if she’s out there, and if we just haven’t met yet.

Regarding my new song:

Me: How’s the balance?
Me: I mean, I generally just threw a lot of shit in there.
Me: But that’s bossa!

I’m back in Korea, having completed my expenses-mostly-paid trip to Tokyo.

I post no videos for one week and some people unsubscribed? Really? Are they that hungry for content? Well, I’ll get back to posting regularly this week.

Just so tired, and have a lot of stuff to take care of.